I’m convinced that auto mechanics are the universe’s most observant beings. I know, I know, it’s impossible to conclude this just from watching them. It certainly appears as if they have no idea that 3/4 of their grease-stained underwear is hiked up above their trousers. This is all part of the mobile machine laborer’s secret deception.
The fact is, I’m mesmerized at the uncanny ability these seemingly mere mortals have to diagnose each and every problem of my car with only a quick scan of their hawk-like eyes. I’m fascinated by their immediate knowledge that, when I come in for a change of spark plugs, I also need a new rear axle. Just this week my Subaru was receiving a much needed oil change when “Lloyd” helpfully offered, “While I’m down here I can see yer transmission don’t look too good. I can fix ye up fer ’bout seven hunnert if ye got some exter time.” I marveled, not only at his automotive skills but also his crafty use of authentic King James English.
Don’t think I don’t appreciate this kind of service. On the contrary, I often wish other professions would be as equally helpful. For example, it would be nice to hear my hairstylist say, “I’m going to take a little more off the top… and while I’m up here I can see you need some neuro-brain surgery. For an extra fifty grand I can fix ye right up.”
Believe it or not, there was a time when folks didn’t get this type of treatment. I can remember when I was a youngster riding to the mechanic in my Grandfather’s old Ford Falcon. Grandpa would steer into the garage, lean out of the window and yell, “Need a fan belt!” Before the Nutty Buddy could drip all the way down my elbow, a single fan belt was installed and paid for without a second auto malady diagnosed. I chuckle now as I remember those were also the days you couldn’t screw off a bottle cap or call your best friend “Dude.”
I wonder what pandemonium you would cause if you went to an auto mechanic and pretended to be an escaped mental patient. You could drive your car up and babble “Put a new muffler on my car! No new tail pipe! No new universal joint! No new dash board! Just a muffler! Do it now and no one gets hurt!” Being concerned professionals, they would be forced to talk you out of this. “Calm down, sir,” they would say. “Let’s be rational. No one has only a muffler installed anymore. Now let’s slowly and carefully take a look at that distributor.”
Why can’t today’s mechanics be more like Goober and Gomer Pyle from The Andy Griffith Show? Whenever anyone came in to “Wally’s Garage” for repairs, Goob and Gome fixed the problem immediately and got the customer out in a hurry. Then they would go hang around Floyd’s or serve as temporary deputies. What rubes! They had no way of knowing that technology would become so advanced that mechanics would one day have to keep your car for hours or even days in order to become aware of every leak, crack, pull and fray. Or that a person would never again be able to find a accessible retail source for that freaky Jughead hat.
It’s wonderful to live in an age where advanced knowledge and skill makes everything less complicated. If only my Grandpa were still alive. He would be amazed at what today’s mechanics could do to that old Falcon.
Tags: auto mechanics, Comedy, humor, nutty buddy, the andy griffith show
