Many movies feature a scene where someone is trying to make a decision between right and wrong when suddenly a little devil and angel pops up above the thinker’s shoulder in an attempt to sway one way or the other. It’s kind of a funny concept but not one that’s very helpful to me. I mean, I’m completely capable of fouling up decisions on my own without having some little specter poking me with a pitchfork, then popping out of existence right about the time I need someone to blame everything on. What I really need is a dummass angel. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, a dummass angel is a little guy that pops up over your shoulder right after you’ve made a bad decision or done something really stupid, simply says, “Dummass!” then disappears. His entire job has nothing to do with helping you out in any way, only to humiliate you. Here’s an example of what I’m referring to: I’m giving information to a woman on the phone and she asks for my middle initial. My middle name is Forrest so I tell her my middle initial is “F.”
“‘S’ as in ‘Sam’?” she asks.
“No ‘F’ as in ‘Frank’,” I say.
“I like that name,” she says. “My dad’s name is Frank.”
“Actually my name is not Frank, it’s Forrest.”
After a beat she says, “Then why didn’t you say your middle initial is ‘F’ as in ‘Forrest’?”
“Good question. For the answer, perhaps I can ask this little guy right here…”
“Dummass!” (Poof!)
Well, now where did he go?…
